McNabb Orders a Pizza During Game

NEW YORK CITY -- Philadelphia Eagle quarterback, Donovan McNabb, has taken a lot of heat throughout his career, from not bearing the name of Ricky Williams in the 1999 NFL Draft to not playing like Doug Williams on the 2005 Super Bowl, from having an Irish last name and still not being able to hold down his Guinness to holding the Guinness World Record for most balls thrown at the feet of his receivers. Now he is taking flak for making a phone-call during the waning minutes of the NFC Divisional Playoff game in the Meadowlands against the Giants.

The Eagles were leading the game 23-11, with three minutes left, when McNabb ran out of bounds on the Giant sideline and then picked up a nearby phone, as if it were just another one of coach, Andy Reid’s nutty offensive plays – that is, offensive to the home team.

“You guys got it all wrong, obviously,” said McNabb at the post-game press conference. “I was only ordering a pizza, obviously. I was starving after that meaningless eight-yard gain. Plus, I hadn’t eaten all day, obviously.”

“Wait, Donovan,” interrupted sports writer, I.M Blameless, “did you forget to eat because you were too preoccupied with the word ‘obviously?’”

“Obviously.”

McNabb went on to explain that the phone on the Eagles’ sideline did not permit outside calls, and he was damned if he was going to eat a hotdog from a Meadowlands’ concession stand. At halftime, he was already picturing a Chicago deep-dish pie with sausage, mushrooms and onions. By the middle of the third quarter, he was drooling all over his center, Jamaal Jackson, who told his QB that bending over and having a man put his hands between his thighs was one thing, but then having that same man slobber all over his ass was a whole different matter best left to a Freudian analyst.

“So you can imagine how crazy I was for a pizza with three minutes left in the game, obviously, and so God blessed me with an opportunity on the Giant sideline to use a phone that allowed me to dial outside to Pizzeria Uno. Luckily they were delivering today – otherwise, and obviously, I would have died of deep-dish deprivation. And everyone knows how serious deep-dish deprivation is. In fact, it is one of the charities I represent, D.D.D – and I hope this episode makes people aware of this disease. Everything happens for a reason, obviously, and God must have had a plan that I would use this game as a platform for such a great cause like D.D.D. Awareness. God bless you all.”

“Is His blessing obvious, or only because you said so?” asked a local TV reporter, Ralph Kiner.

“Both.”