Sarah Palin Fathered Dozens of Kids out of Wedlock

JUNEAU, AK – The latest scandal concerning Republican Vice-Presidential candidate and Alaska Governor, Sarah Palin, is the rumor that she has fathered at least twenty kids out of wedlock from as many different mothers. This comes in the wake of the news that her unwed pregnant seventeen-year-old daughter, Bristol, had she been born a triplet, would have had siblings named Myers and Squibbs. This came right after the female reproductive system of the Governor produced a child with Down Syndrome, named Trig, in the expectation that the child will be solving the Pythagorean Theory while making happy faces, and whom the folks up north hope will become the Corky Thatcher of Alaska – because, as one man noted, “Life Goes On.”

It seems, too, that life has been really going on with Palin’s male reproductive tract and equipment, as children of various ages are coming forth wearing designer frame glasses and toting automatic weapons and expressing uncertainty about foreign affairs. These kids are also spouting the dogma that every last human egg and sperm cell should be joined to form a seething mass of people who will so exhaust the Earth’s resources that rats will go extinct and thereby put Orkin out of business.

“Oh yeah,” said one Alaskan, who requested anonymity because he was not wearing a flannel shirt, “those little rascals look just like Sarah.”

Another Alaskan, who had no choice but to stay anonymous, as no one really cared about his opinion or his moose antler collection, added that he “knew the Governor had balls, but a wang, too? She is definitely practicing what she preaches about unchecked human reproduction.”

The revelation of Palin’s hermaphroditic nature came as a relief to folks working at the State House in Juneau. It explained why a new restroom was built with a sign on the door featuring a picture of Frank Marino, the world’s most famous female impersonator.
“Now we know that you can have a penis and a vagina and still be a good Christian,” said Palin’s personal secretary. “Who knows, maybe Our Lord Jesus Christ sported a gash under that toga right beside his celestial meat-shaft.”

Those close to Palin say that the Governor will soon be calling a press conference to admit to spreading her abundant seed around the tunra, and, further, to announce a date for a giant ceremony in which she will marry all the mothers of her brood. Her husband, Todd, always supportive of his wife, is reported to be more than happy to lend his stud services on the wedding night.

The McCain campaign plans to use this revelation to promote the Vice-Presidential candidate’s commitment to family values – that is, a lot of family values.