Wanted: A man comfortable in someone else’s skin

I am a woman comfortable in her own skin, as it fits me just right and is porous enough to allow a cross breeze to cool my innards on those especially hot days. That makes me the yin along the epidermal spectrum. Now I seek my yang – that is, a man so uneasy in his own hide that he only finds peace while in the skin of someone else.

Yes, I am aware that such a man will have watched Silence of the Lambs enough times to mistake fantasy for reality, to say nothing of mistaking Jodie Foster for a woman, but I am willing to look the other way while my guy stands over a pit and says to his male prisoner: “It will eat the food. It will wash itself.”  My only concern is that he picks good skin under which to achieve the desired comfort zone. That means no pimples or scabs, which will require that my guy be savvy enough to, first, examine his prey for epithelial quality before kidnapping and throwing him into the pit, and, second, to not be too stingy on the diet, lest he develop a condition before the harvest. Color is of no concern – in fact it would add variety to our social life. One day would find me on the arm of a black man, and the next with a Malaysian. What is important is that my man be comfortable in his newest skin. It’s all about feeling good about yourself, right?

So where are you, my demented lover?