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Squeaky voiced chubby conservative pundit, Glenn Beck, announced yesterday that he will be running for President as an Independent, or, as he noted, “as a Dependent of the...read more

personals

  • Man Seeking Woman

Stewie
Stewie Seek 3-D Damsel
Oh greetings, members of the fairer sex, whose feminine charms continue to elude my diaper-wearing grasp, however much my brain has the demented prowess of Hannibal Lecter... more

  • Woman Seeking Man

Meg Griffin
Meg Griffin Seeks Non-Loser, or Loser
Hi, you may know me from the tabloids as the chinless rich girl made famous for reasons known only to mystics and the ghost of Andy Warhol, ... more

    • Cliche Advice of the Week

    An apple a day keeps the doctor away – too bad apples aren’t paid for by HMOs.

    HEADLINES

    Vampire Goes on Hunger Strike

    A small mountain town is abuzz over the news that one of its citizens, Count Dracula, has now been on a hunger strike for fifteen days. On the one hand, they feel safer on leaving Mac’s Bar and Tavern... read more
    Guess the Verbose Song Lyric

    "Escort me in a southerly direction to the Edenic Metropolis where the lawns are rich in chlorophyll and the female bipeds are pulchritudinous."

    PHRASE OF THE DAY

    rAIN:

    Nature’s way of saying it must be the weekend.

    Tv character obituaries

    Elmer Fudd Dies of Alcoholism
    Elmer FuddElmer J. Fudd died yesterday at Warner Brothers Memorial Hospital of cirrhosis of the liver. He had battled alcoholism for fifty years in response to an inner demon he called “Dat cocksucking wabbit.”
         

    Sports
    Manny
    Slugger and newest member of the LA Dodgers, Manny Ramirez, has announced that he will write an episode for the show How I Met Your Mother for no less than $1,000,000,000... more
    sports section

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    Celebrity News

    John Stewart
    Jon Stewart an Informant for Paparazzi
    Actors, politicians and Lynne Cheney are in shock at news that Jon Stewart has been feeding the paparazzi sensitive information about those whom he interviews on The Daily Show....